Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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