Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
