he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
