Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
