Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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