Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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