so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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