Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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