Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
