I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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