Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
