Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
