is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
