We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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