Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
