I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
