Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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