On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
me + whiskey = a bad person
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
