ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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