Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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