Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
