I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
