why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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