she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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