Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
