I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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