the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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