This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
