Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
