i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
