I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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