dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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