Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
