I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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