That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
