He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
