I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
