It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
