I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Found the puke drawer
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
