She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
