you didnt know i had herpes?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
