We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
