I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
