Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
