I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
