Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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