so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
