If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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