i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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