if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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